i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My pussy is not your playground.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
