Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there's paper in my vomit.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
