So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
