I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
