I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize