After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
