I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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