Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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