So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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