I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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