I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
