no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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