For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
