is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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