you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this will be a night to untag.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize