Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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