Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
