whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Send help, water and tortillas.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
