I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize