I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize