I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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