it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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