i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
