Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
