This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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