well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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