we have pet lesbian snakes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
