'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
