Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You may now shotgun with the bride
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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