Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
