Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
