Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
