I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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