32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
