I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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