I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Four minutes until I can fart!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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