I cannot find my penis.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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