Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
