my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
