Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
