help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Your dad touched me again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
