Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
