Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
