She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
