got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
