I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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