Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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