what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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