The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
