did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
