The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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