I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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