that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
