Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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