if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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