i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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