On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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