Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
