Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
