A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
