i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
