I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
