How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
