Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
