my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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