this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
