I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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