bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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