i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
tell me about the fingering
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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