I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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