someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
